March 17, 2008

Assuming

You know that for the last few weeks I’ve been writing about listening. An interesting thing happened today that is closely related to this. I’ll change the specifics. An old friend who is Chinese wrote me. I know her as Ann Hsiao and her email was signed Ann Clark. I wrote her back and asked if she had just gotten married. She wrote me back and said she had just gotten divorced.

I was taken aback. I had made the obvious assumption without even realizing that it was an assumption. And I realized that when I speak/listen to you, I come to the conversation fully loaded with my world view. I already know you before any exchange occurs. And you to me. Hard to imagine that progress can happen. Not only that, we couldn’t even begin by listing all our inherent assumptions about who the other is. It would take too long and would still be incomplete.

I know, for example that there are some women who prefer being coached by a woman. Well, that would eliminate certain inherent assumptions, but it would add others, wouldn’t it? This makes our listening even more important. Listening moves each person to neutral.

Inherent assumptions are pretty basic and mostly absent when we meet. We deal with some of it even in the initial “What’s your sign?” stage, but they are often revealed as relationships progress – attitudes about money, children, religion and so on and on. Work relationships usually stop after physicality, gossip and, of course, the job – They rarely get to the “What’s you sign?” stage.

I lead a free 6-session seminar called The Principles of Relationships. I look powerfully at attitudes and I will be dealing with this topic as well. Click here for more information.

Useful Quotes

We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of these assumptions.

Steven R. Covey

Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in.

Alan Alda

Assumptions are the termites of relationships.

Henry Winkler

Euclid taught me that without assumptions there is no proof. Therefore, in any argument, examine the assumptions.

Eric Temple Bell

Never assume the obvious is true.

William Safire

Creative Corner

Michael Lipp

 I have five blogs:

Creating Today - A daily journal on creativity
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